I had a breakdown in Costco again, nothing serious, no need for paramedics or electric shock, just the soul-sucking exhaustion of seeing so many useless products all in one place, surrounded by hoards of lonely and lost souls searching for something to take away the pale drudgery of their 9 to 5's, the routine of the office, the repetition of robots, the conformity of colors, and the disease of the modern age that is the paradise everyone seeks, and even though I tell myself this is better than the homeless camp across the freeway, better than war, and famine, and pestilence, I still have to sit down on a deck chair near an old woman handing out free slices of sausage, her sad eyes looking for somebody in the crowd, and I don't know why I am complaining. I don't know why this hurts my soul, but I feel like I am carrying a rock on my back, and don't know where to throw it. I am neither old nor young, but somewhere in between, and freedom can come in many forms, but for me it comes in leaving without buying anything, leaving with an empty cart, leaving with a deep breath, and a sense that I have saved my soul somehow, even though the bombs still drop overseas, and the slaves still mine the dirt for energy to fuel my car. I will take this victory as a small one, but a victory nonetheless.