*This is a transcription from my journal, written roughly a month into a prolonged state of psychosis, isolated in my home for twenty seven days, after I propelled myself to madness in the attempt to take my own life. Not all of it may make sense, but so many of these words hold power over me to this day, and I feel so fortunate to have this record of my absolute, most broken moments. What Love did come from suffering, in the end & after.* **Please, do not do what I did. All is not lost & You are not alone. I see You & I Love You. Talk to someone. Talk to me. Please, I beg of you, do not go it alone beyond the ledge.** ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 5/31/2022 Hi everyone, friends and family both. This is Christopher, or at least this is the part of Christopher that you thought you knew for the past thirty three years. The same Christopher I thought I was, and to some extent will always be. I think I owe you an explanation. I cannot say I don't have one, but I am sorry for my past attempts. To be honest, as time trudges ever onward, my ability to think and communicate bound to the linearity of word of thought becomes diminished. I do not fear this change. I am the harbinger of it. All of my life has been one giant held breath in a tunnel, never ending. Think again if you dare to ask me to turn back, to continue suffocating myself when I can finally see the light. I love each and every one of you, but it is time for The Great Exhale. I ask now that you stand beside me, or risk being caught up in the sharpest of my whirlwind howlings. Call it whatever you want, but in this book and in my stories, real and fictional (Though I no longer believe anymore fiction exists as we know it), you will find what has been wrong with me all along, nothing! You will find my hellbent attempts to drag you into theHeavens/theFuture/VirtualReality/theMultiverse kicking and screaming and laughing and crying. Make no mistake: When I die next it will be the last time that I experience anything that was not created collaboratively by the the collective incarnation of the Love we can have for each other right now, here in Middle-Earth 2.0 Signing out for the moment. Christopher C. Maietta Poet Lover Wordsmith Blade master Unbreakable Shield *Dork* & Above All Else: L O V E *added 03.20.2023*