Auntie is now gone forever I haven't seen her in years, but i still have to say goodbye It hurts Holding a phone to my ear Moment of silence .... Moment of denial 'Am i really about to make this call??' I think, wonder, question..then proceed Moment of realisation Moment of pretending I have accepted this situation My heart feels heavy, too heavy for my body An invisible hand squeezing it tight Now i'm grasping for air in silence My mind is in chaos 'I'm sorry for your loss' 'You're in our thoughts and prayers' All these things people say, i don't want to say them. I hate all of it right now. No time for grief, no time for saddness to take place, no time to feel to the fullest...i have to speak on this stupid phone like i'm okay my auntie is gone Yes, because the distance separating us for years automatically means family links becoming loose and weak Thats untrue, for me at least. Its the opposite. I don't want to be here, i want be where i'm supposed to be right now...but it aint easy, nothing is ever easy If my eyes are in controle to not tear up , my shaky hands and trembling voice are not good liars May you rest in peace aamti, I will always keep you in my prayers إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون