Before I know it

I do not understand why
Why I would be put through so much grief
I don't understand why I am feeling this way
I know that I've put this all on myself
a sense of hopelessness has began to settle in
I don't know what is to become of me
It's becoming harder to breathe
Should I end it all and leave this world prematurely?
I don't think I could carry through with that idea
My mind tells me to carry on
but my soul is tired, the light is dimming
My heart beats fast, fear sets in
If I go I hope I go quickly
I'm yearning to see you again
Walk with you in all of your greatness
I yearn for your hug, it will rejuvenate my mind, body, and soul
Oh how much I want to go
and leave this Hell on Earth
but I think I should stay here and complete my task
For I will be with you before the day turns black
And I'll be glad that I chose to stay
because there is so much that I want to say