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Wishes To Late

I wish that you could hold me in your arms.  
Hold me close to you where I can escape from the pain.
I wish that you could comfort me and make me feel at ease.  
I wish that you were here now.  You did this to me.  
Why won’t you fix it? I wish you would fix it.  
I wish you would mend my broken heart.  
Just put the pieces back together.  
I wish I knew what you’re thinking. How you’re feeling.  
I wish you were here to talk to me.  To give me advice and listen.
I wish I could pour my heart out to you. I wish I could cry on you shoulder and not have to fight the tears back.
Knowing that you won’t attempt to dry them at all.
That you would let them all slip from my soul until I drowned.
I wish that you could make me stop crying or at least try.
I wish you never made me cry in the first place.  
I wish that I could feel your heart beating.
Your head resting on mine. Your arms tightly holding onto me as if you never want me to leave.
I wish I could have that feeling back one more time.  
Just one more time with you to show you how I feel.
To have that feeling that words can’t even come close to describing.
I think I love you but it is too late.  
You’re gone and now I want you more than ever.  
I wish you were mine to hold.  I wish that you knew.

The Archer - Paul Nash

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Untitled - Arturo Rivera

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Heart and Soul

verse 1
I’ve put my life on the line
In the search to find true happiness
On a dream is where I’d dwell
I had my life on the line
It was all on hold and colourless
The darker spirits had cast a spell

I’ve placed a trust in myself
My life will not be lead in loneliness
The streaming tears must float away
I had a trust in myself
Life can’t remain so passionless
Until that time I am a stray

chorus
One can’t just force the emotion
Force it to a place,
Where it can’t blossom proud and true
It lays low then attacks
Attacks when it finds someone
Connecting strong with you

I put my heart and soul
To find the one who’d show me heaven
There were few who took me high
Heaven never heard my cry
My efforts were for nothing I could tell
And whenever fortune approached
I’d be brought down to serve in hell

Verse 2
I felt so blind to the truth
Naïve and young I wanted it
Because my life was bland and blue
I was so blind to the truth
Seeking all who I connected with
It wasn’t real love I knew

I’ve got a fire in my heart
Warm and raging, still alive
I’m alone, but I’m complete
I had a fire in my heart
It swung around, then learned to live
It’s independent to the heat

chorus

Bridge
The error of my ways was to
Seek compassion from another
My flaw in the day was to
Reciprocate from my lover
Yet all I ever needed was to love myself
With all my heart, from within my soul

Life’s just a series of moments
Mortal, null, and full of stress
A break to being must unfold
Life is a series of moments
Learn not to waste and self confess
So seize yours, don’t be told

Final Chorus
I have my heart and soul
I am the one who’ll show me heaven
With the one’s who took me high
Heaven never heard my cry
My efforts had been for nothing, I could tell
Now whenever fortune approached
I’m not brought down to serve in hell

I am not what it seems

I am
not me

I am not what I seem to be

I am not what I look like
masked in the darkness
that only the tears can see
shimmering droplets of fear
breaking the barrier of myself

I am

wrecked
split
torn
embedded

I am a creature behind the pain
sensually smiling to everyone
screaming inside for what is not
as I die with every little breath
I take this life down with me

I am

horrid
masked
broken
terrified

I am hurting for help from others
yet I ask the wrong questions
pondering when I will be saved
yet awaiting the tock of the clock
that never seems to pass on by

I am

crimson
cut
severed
tainted

I am what I feel inside of me
killing off the presence of life
bearing down in the empty hole
realizing no heart was what I had
stone cold in the isolation of myself

I am

ignorant
pitiful
disgraceful
stupid

I am what I don't seem to be
so look at the out and not the in
for your eyes will fill with tears
as my body lay in the cold emptiness
knowing what I was, not who I am

The Lying Game - Jack Vettriano

My Everything (personal)

My tears of pain could not have justified my love for you.
What else am I supose to do?
All I can do is sit here and cry.
Write down my thoughts,
expressing all my feelings.
I wish I didn't have to though.....
I wish I could just shut it all out.
Block out everything,
turn my heart cold,
black.
Nothing in there.
Completly empty;
like a bottomless pit.
Everything empty;
but now.....
I have to deal with this.
How?
I don't know.
It ponders through my mind all the time.
Should I?
Shouldn't I?
Knowing me,
my decision will be bad.
That's always the outcome.....
no matter what.
I can feel my heart beating faster everytime I think about it.
Faster,
faster,
and faster!
I just want it all to stop.
GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
GO AWAY!
I don't want you here anymore!
You took over my mind.
I can't block you out.
Why?
That's my question.....
Why do you have this great power over me?
Why does it exsist?
Can't it just disapear?
No.....
that will never happen.
It's impossibile.
I can't explain it;
it's just too confusing to.
Can't you see what you are doing to me?
It hurts too much babe.....
You have caused me all this pain and torture.
It's all too much to bear.
I'm losing control over my life.
You control me now;
not me.
You are my keeper,
my owner,
my lover:
"I wish."
How long is this going to go on?
Weeks?
Months?
Years?
No,
I know the answer.....
forever.
I will always be yours.
You will always have the power over me;
for always and forever.
Even in death,
I will belong to you.
You are my everything.
Nobody can take that away from me.
I wish you would open your sparkling eyes and realize.....
realize my love;
love for you.
You always push it away.
Whenever I try to be there for you,
you block me out.
Making your heart cold,
black.
Completly empty.
You know I will always be there for you.
All I want to do is see you happy.
When you smile,
it makes me smile as well.
Just one look at you,
and my heart fills with joy.
I feel the butterflies in my stomach;
head pounding,
heart aching,
all for you.
I know time helps ease the pain,
but not for me.
I gave way too much fucking time.
All that time.....
and for what?
YOU!
It wasn't even worth it,
you didn't seem to care.
Now I can never have that time back.
So I sit here alone.
In the dark.
With the thoughts of you running through my mind.
It hurts too much.
This pain is not what I want.
I wish the pain could be over,
but it's not.
I don't think it ever will be.
So what do I do from here?
Honestly,
I don't really know.
I wish you would come up to me and say,
"I love you."
"I love you too hunni."
I wish to be free.
Free from your world,
and everything in it.
I don't think I could do that though.
So the days grow longer,
nights grow shorter;
while this pain runs through my body.
Why can't I move on?
Why can't I just say,
"Fuck you!"
because you mean so much to me.
I care too much for you.
I wish it all could be over.
I can't go on like this anymore.
So for now,
I'll see what the future holds.
David,
You know you will always be in my heart;
no matter what happens.
You were my first love.
Noone can take that away.
You are my everything.

*Dedicated to DBH

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We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty

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